Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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