You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
