Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
