Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
