all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
