he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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