Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
