so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's the barista slut.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
