i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
