Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
