you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
