My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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