i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
