just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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