so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
