I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
