Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
