our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
