She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
