we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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