Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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