I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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