It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
