Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
