we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have aggressive nipples.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
