Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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