My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He better not be in your backpack
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
