Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
