Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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