we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
