you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
