Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
