tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
