Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
