i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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