porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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