So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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