Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
