i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
