Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i drank out of a bidet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
