i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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