toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
