after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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