When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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