I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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