so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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