And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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