He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
