so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I touched a dick in church today
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
