you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
